Crystal of DOOM!

Fractured Crystal of the Terrible Truth

You know what?? Google is beginning to Suck Goats Ass.
There I said it. I said what I am sure many of you have also been thinking.
I myself noticed this Goats Ass Sucking issue about two years ago, but at first, I just put it off. You know, I thought, GOOGLE is so FREAKING GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND ALL SEARCHING AND FANTASTIC that it must be ME that is Sucking Goats Ass, some oddball internet surfer nerd exhibiting EPIC FAIL while searching the INTARWEBZ!!
But, I decided that the EPIC FAIL was not mine!!! This after about a year of wondering why I was not getting a lot of relevant search results for even routine searches. I might get a few good hits, but then there would be a lot of crap from static pages used to store domain names, you know, the ones that are essentially just a page full of links to searches for popular items and do not offer any information at all about what you originally searched for. OR pages that have some entirely different information then what you searched for. For example, I searched today for “Pomeranian Hair Growth” and got some page offering Human hair tonic. I scanned the page for the word “Pomeranian” but I never saw it. This is on like, the first page of searches, not the thirty fifth. and this is only the culmination of a long year of basic dissatisfaction with Google. Perhaps, like all things Web, it has had its heyday, and will be supplanted by another service, much as Myspace.com is fading in the face of Facebook.com as the king of social networking sites.
One such challenger to Google that I have had good experience lately with is BING. BING is an offering of Satan Incarnate or excuse me, Microsoft. (BAD FOX!!!) But be that as it may, I find that it usually gives me much more relevant results, with a lot less Bullshit Goats Ass Suckingness.
I am not quite sure how they manage this, but perhaps Google is so focused on STEALING MILLIONS OF BOOKS I mean digitizing out of print books, that it has let its Search Engine business start to collect dust bunnies. Or perhaps Google is just so thirsty for add revenue that it is catering much more to advertisers, forgetting that without people using the search engine, that add revenue will dry up quickly.
Or maybe Larry and Sergey are just so busy living the extremely rich, nerdy highlife, that they haven’t actually bothered to use their own search engine in a while to notice that in fact, Google Sucks Goats Ass now.
Search for that term and see if it appears on Google…

Go here for some very interesting reading. And a bit creepy!!

It was only a matter of time. We had the Shoe Bomber, now the Underwear Bomber, who this December was singlehandedly responsible for the widespread adoption of the Full Body Scan in airports. Seems he hid some explosive powder in the crotch of his girly panties. Do not worry though, the Full Body Scan still respects your privacy, says the TSA. The operators do not get to see your face, only your privates. How can ones privacy be respected while ones private parts are being inspected by strangers? I am sure it is in the Operators Manual somewhere. I fear that next, it will be The Bum Bomber. That will be the only place left for airline blower-uppers to hide the tools of their trade. Up the Wazzo. The Stanky Hole. In order to activate the bomb all they would have to do is go to the bathroom on the plane. It is a well known fact that the bathroom is the most vulnerable place on the modern airliner, because the oversize toilet seat needed to accommodate the ass size of the average American tourist compromises the structural integrity of the fusilage.
As an added bonus for the bomber, the ground inhabitants are showered with airliner pooh.
After the TSA develops an Anal Groper Probe to detect this new style of bomb (That somehow still respects the travelers privacy hahaha) the bombers will have to find a new way to hide explosives. Perhaps they could eat certain seemingly innocent things, like brussel sprouts and diet Fanta soda together. When the ingredients mix inside the tummy, they would explode. Perhaps the terrorists could replace their brain with explosives, since apparently, they do not use it anyway. Thinking that you will be able to implement some meaningful social change by blowing up stuff is ample evidence of that.
Oh oh, I know, EXPLODING CLOTHING!!! The shirt would be a bomb!
I vote we all fly completely NAKED. We take off our clothes, get butt-xrayed, have all our food and drinks taken, and then get issued paper clothing on the airplane. They could sell advertising on the paper clothing, for extra profit.
Whee!!!! I’m FLYING!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What have I got against left handed people??
Nothing, really. Some of my best friends are left handed.
They just should not marry, is all I am saying.
In fact, not so long ago, it was considered that left handed people were the work of the Devil. Left handed children were forced to use the opposite hand lest they descend into a life of pure evil.
I am sure they all chose to be left handed, those little heathens.
I am just doing a little depart from sanity here, of course, in order to compare people of another persuasion, the homosexual.
A lot has been said recently regarding marriage of gays. While I personally say, WTF it is just a term, it is important to many, so I will address some issues.
First. Few people have been mentioning the fact that GAYNESS is not something that people choose, like the color of a car, size of a house, or the kind of pet they have.
ONCE AND FOR ALL CAN WE GET THIS CLEAR, PEOPLE??? Saying that people have a choice in the matter is like saying people have a choice to be left handed. Someone might force themselves to use the right hand, but and here is the important part…WHY SHOULD THEY?
Second, saying gay people should not be allowed to marry is just like saying, sorry, left handed people can’t marry, or disabled people can’t marry. Imagine the stink if someone said that Autistic people should not be allowed to marry. “Well” They would huff, “Autistic people did not have a choice in the matter of weather they were autistic or not.” Guess what?? Neither do homosexuals.
As a borderline transgendered person, I have a fairly solid grasp on this matter. Is this something I chose, like “Hmmm, lets see, I am feeling bored today, I know! Lets be some kind of bizarre mix of male and female! Yea, that will be fun!” NOT. I would have better luck changing my “handedness” then changing this. I have not talked to one person who would have chose, from the get go, to have an abnormal sexual orientation. Would YOU, Dear Reader, choose to? Would YOU, dear Generic Christian Person, choose this? Of course not.
Third, it says in the very same Bible that informs us that men should not lie with other men as men lie with women, that men can have five wives. And a slave. AND a concubine. And take 11 year olds for wives. If we are going to use the Bible to dictate social moors, the by Gory, we should go all the way! I will watch gleefully as you send off your prepubescent little girl to be some old farts wife. Let’s see you do that.
Then maybe I will try to quit being so queer.
Go HERE
for some interesting reading.

Sapphire

Or rather, we are WHERE we shop. In a recent poll, “nearly half” of all responders chose Walmart as the institution best symbolizing America today.

…

…

-Closes his eyes and then opens them again…No, the article is still there!-
-Runs to Google to check if the article is a hoax. Nope-
-Cries quietly at the hopelessness of it all-

But actually, well, perhaps it is a good choice after all. A cavernous pile of cheap, shiny, superficial shhlock to festoon our cookie cutter, underwater, over leveraged, second mortgaged McMansion with. (I always liked that word, festoon)
Checkout clerks so brain-dead from swarms of squalling children, the mashing, shoving hordes, the loudspeaker announcements and the Swine flu-laden air, that they are literally zombie-fied.
Endless aisles of chrome plated plastic, particle board, veneered, simulated, naugahyde, vinyl coated, aluminum foiled, synthetic, faux, disposable, consumable, fattening, sugary, artificially colored, monosodium glutamated JUNK!!!! Is this what America has become?? Are we truly what we buy??
Are we Walmerimart??
-Runs away screaming into the night-

Sapphire

ALLLLLLLrighty then! Just go here and watch that, and I will just wait for you . -Waits, and hums tonelessly- Ok, so are you going to have an omlette for breakfast to marrow? I sure am not. I hate omlettes. No, I think I will have my eggs sunny side up. Maybe Eggs Benedict, another fav of mine. Will I quit eating eggs? No. Does it suck that they do that to the little boy chicks? Well…yes, kind of. It it any suckier then spending a year in a filthy cage laying eggs, and then being sent up the river to be someones dinner? Ahhhh….It begs the question.
Would there be an uproar if it was puppies or kittens? Of course. But we don’t eat dogs and cats generally in this country either.
Actually, far from being revolted, even though it IS revolting, I was fascinated with the rest of the operation. It was almost comical to see these fluffy yellow, soft looking, cheeping chicks going for a ride on all that automated machinery. Chicks on conveyor belts, cheep cheep cheep, chicks on ramps, cheep cheep cheep, chicks in baskets, cheep cheep cheep. It is like some Easter factory from a minor level of Hell.
They don’t say just WHAT they do with the ermmm…chicken meal… that they get from the male chicks, but I am willing to bet that my Poms have enjoyed said “meal” in their dog food recently.

Baiiiiiiiiiii Windows!!!! -Laughs maniacally- So long BILL!!!!!
Well, it might be too early to say that right yet, but I’ve been staggering through Apple Land for a few nights now, and you know what? It is not so bad after all. I think I can do this. The system is different, but it is made for humans, in the end. The experience is kind of like going to another country, and seeing toilet fixtures that you never had back home. But they still serve the basic functions, and you can guess how to use them without too much trouble. So far the biggest issue I’ve had is setting up the wireless cel modem, and it actually was my fault because I did not know where to find the little icon that meant that the machine had installed everything, and was now ready to go online. They call that particular “toilet fixture” NATIVE SUPORT, and I like it. Not QUITE as jazzy as getting a squirt of water up the wazzoo but certainly better for web browsing. The Cel modem has an icon that fits right in with the other icons up on top of the screen, instead of running in its own separate program on the desktop. I am sure Windows will eventually do that also, in Win 7, Win Ultimate, Win Galaxy, or Win Whateverthefuckisnext, but the point is, APPLE did this three years ago. The whole Apple interface seems clean and uncluttered. In fact, the entire machine seems that way. No fan, cooling the CPU, no lights flashing, indicating HD activity, low battery, power on, ect. Just the softly glowing APPLE logo on the back of the display cover, proclaiming to all who see it that you have fallen to the Other Side.
So far, the Other Side is pretty good. You cannot customize the look of things as much as with Windows, but there again, that uncluttered look…It might be worth it. The actual machine it’s self seems very solid, and has a few thoughtful details like a magnetic power connector holder-inner.
I will still use a Windows machine, stripped of antivirus and internet support, for some things that I have that need Windows. I will use the Mac for all things Web related. I figure that will be a nice way to make the transition. If I feel the sudden need for computer chaos, I can work with the old machine any time!
Are the Apple-Minions smirking at this noob’s discovery of what is old hat to them? Smirk away, I say. It takes some people a bit longer to get with the picture, and who knows, maybe in Win WeswearyouwillloveTHISone, Microsoft will finally score a WIN(er) >_<

Sapphire

PS The only thing I don’t like is the sharp edge on the palm rest. It digs into your wrist while typing.

So, I noticed THIS in the news this morning.
I have mixed feeling about it. I mean, if we can’t anonymously slander, pester, bully and annoy people on the internet, then what use does the internet actually serve?? The anonymous-ness of the Internet has been its big appeal from day one, where anyone could be some untraceable e-mail or cryptic user-name. As the net matures, and one can no longer use “Bomb” and “Whitehouse” in the same e-mail without it getting diverted to the CIA’s offices, we are faced with a loss of that cherished “Anon” status.
Now, it appears that any washed up model can sue over some moldy blog site that calls her naughty names. Soon, the pursuit of lawsuits may become the new rage of the Internet, much like Twitter, only even more retarded. Every whiny starlet who has ever been called a “Whiny Spoiled Brat” on a blog such as Crystal of Doom will now attempt to sue, resulting in a morass of legal mayhem spreading across the Web, choking out all satire and replacing it with endless legal disclaimers in ever-shrinking legal, but illegible, fine print.
We must somehow avoid this unpleasant fate! It will make it difficult for those of use who write, to ply our trade. How will we know weather writing, “Paris Hilton is a Spoiled, Whiny Brat” is going to get us in trouble? Does it mean we can no longer write about Obama, since by the very nature of cynical blogging, anything we write about the current President will be negative, such as “Obama is a Spoiled Whiny Brat”?
Given the international nature of the Internet, will this suing-for-defamation trend extend to people in other countries? If I were to write, “Kim Jong Ill is a Spoiled, Whiny Brat”, would his lawyers be able to sue me? Perhaps the lawsuit would be thrown out because he is a Communist. What if the person in question REALLY WAS a Spoiled, Whiny Brat, and could be scientifically proven to be such. Would it still be defamation, or would it merely be stating a fact, such as saying that Steve Jobs is awesome, or that, as a spinning mass contracts, its rate of revolution will speed up?
All of the previous discussion does not even touch on the actual REPLIES in the blog’s comment section or forum. Suppose that in my blog, about whiny starlets in general, someone comments that “Paris Hilton is a Spoiled Whiny Brat”. Am I, as the blog master, to be held responsible for not editing out the comment, or will Paris be able to pursue the commenter directly?
The next logical issue to come up after actual people, are PRODUCTS. Products may also be defamed, and in many cases the financial loss might be much much greater. Were I to be a tech-blogger, simply implying the possibility of my I-Phone being a “Spoiled Whiny Brat” could well damage the brand irreparably. If a tech blog cannot go out on a limb and call a new computer or other device a “Spoiled Whiny Brat”, then they might as well stop writing reviews this instant. That will leave the consumer saddled with “Spoiled Whiny Brat” products, produced by “Spoiled Whiny Brat” companies who know they can now sell substandard items because no one will review them negatively for fear of being sued.
I predict that the Judge in the hyperlinked case will one day have an important legal document eaten by a “Spoiled Whiny Brat” laptop, that she bough because she did not know any better, because all the blogs who might have said anything bad about it were out of business. It will serve her right for her erroneous ruling in the internet slander case.

Sapphire

I recently read a few things on the Web, about some research that indicates common blue food coloring has the ability to help repair nerve damage, and was actually being used in experiments as a form of therapy for people suffering with paralysis. Who would have thought, something most people associate with bad-for-you-ness, food additives, could actually be good for you?
I thought this was worth an experiment, myself. I mean, who couldn’t use healthier nerves right? I would use a bottle of the blue colored Mountain Dew soda as the Test Material. I intended to drink it, and see if my nerves got healthier by the very un-scientific method of just deciding weather or not I felt any better after drinking it. The Test Material was very, extremely, the-color-blue-that-you-would-normally-avoid-in-a-soft-drink-at-all-costs, blue. I noticed Gatoraid also uses this color blue in one of its drink flavors. I also noticed that a windshield wiper solution manufacturer ALSO uses this color blue, no doubt purchased from the same supplier the soft drink makers buy it from.
The Test Material came in a familiar Mountain Dew shaped plastic bottle. A small tag proclaimed it to be “Game Fuel” and had a “World of War Craft” logo on it. I assume that the color of the drink is supposed to match some popular brew in that online game.
Once I tasted the Test Material, it became instantly apparent that I could not continue my experiment on the effect of blue dye on the human nervous system because of the wretched, chalky, fizzy flavor. I am not sure how a beverage can taste chalky and fizzy at the same time, but this one manages to. I am also unsure of weather or not this is an effect of the blue dye, or if perhaps, somewhere in the game of “World of War Craft” there is a drink that is supposed to be “fizzy and chalky” tasting, that is colored blue.
Maybe it makes your character level faster or something.

Sapphire

In the news over the weekend is an article about some hikers who have been captured by the Iranians after unwittingly crossing the Iranian border with Iraq, from where they had started their day hike.
And my question is…WHY?

Why

WHY

W H Y

WHY hike THERE? Is there no place that you could hike to instead, where there is less of a chance to start an international incident?

Like, why not hike FAR FAR away from the Iranian Border, that is in that area probably covered with sand, dirt and vegetation, making it difficult to see?

The state department now has to engineer their release.

You know, this is a pet peeve of mine. People going to known, dangerous parts of the world, where they DONT LIKE AMERICANS, and getting into problems. We had female journalists sneaking into North Korea, and getting caught. We had the female journalist in Iran accused of being a spy, and being jailed, and now we have hikers straying into Iran, and getting detained. Each time, the State department has to arrange for release

LIKE WTF?

The hikers were warned not to go hiking there, because it was close to the Iranian Border (that is covered with sand, dirt and vegetation, making it difficult to see) not to mention being guarded by FREEKING Iranians who are just waiting to have Americans to detain.

The sheer DUMBNESS of it all kind of makes me suspect that Iran has actually hired the hikers secretly to do this, just to keep Iran in the international spotlight, now that the Election Hooplah in Iran is waning.

Let’s have a poll here to explore the NEXT American Transgression In Iran Scenario:

1) American housewife chases her dog over the border while walking said dog near border (covered with sand, dirt and vegetation, making it difficult to see) and the Iranians detain her because they believe the dog is a new type of American spy device. State Department must arrange for release of both women and dog.

2) American aviator attempting to set new ballooning record is arrested in Iran after crashing his balloon there and having it declared to be a spying device.

3) American whale watchers wash up on Iranian beach after a whale sinks their vessel. They are detained because Iranian Authorities suspect the whale could be a spying device.

4) A troop of American circus performers putting on a clown workshop for handicapped children in Iraq accidentally stray over the Border to Iran (covered with sand, dirt and vegetation, making it difficult to see) while demonstrating the Keystone Kops routine. They are arrested because the Iranians suspect that the fake red noses are in fact, spying devices.

5) An American bird watcher is detained after accidentally crossing the border (covered with sand, dirt and vegetation, making it difficult to see) in search of the rare Orange Throated Iranian Booby. As well as the mans camera, Iranian Authorities also seize the bird its self, on the grounds that it could be a flying, spying, device.

Beh.

Sapphire